So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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