Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So many bounce houses so little time
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
