In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize