ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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