Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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