he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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