I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
