Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
