you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
