you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
