My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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