gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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