And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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