During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
