I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
