I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
