I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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