Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
