u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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