..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
