The best revenge is premature balding
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
