I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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