it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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