I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
