Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
