Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's blow job season.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
