After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
