That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
