tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
