Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
