my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They took my balls.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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