Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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