During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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