Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
