Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I enjoy the company of your penis
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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