She's JV to your varsity
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
