She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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