so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
