dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize