So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
