you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
