Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
