He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
