So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
