These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
