Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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