Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
