id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
