I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
