was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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