made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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