Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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