My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
