I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
