i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
