i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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