u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i already hear my dad disowning me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
