OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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