You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
