Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
