So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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