dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
