saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
