How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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