Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
