my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
