thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
